Lost
by StrawberryMarmalade226
Summary: AU. Nathaniel River is rookie in psychiatry major. His life is boring and unfulfilled. However, one of his patients begins to develop an unhealthy obsession towards him... Mello/Near
1. Chapter 1

Warning: Dark themes, boy love/shonen ai, maybe yaoi

Author's note: English isn't our native language, please reccomend us if you find some mistakes. Thank you. (°w°)/

* * *

 _ **Chapter 1 - Sick**_

" _I am home!_ ", _a little boy around 7 years loudly shouted to the empty house._

" _It's weird_ ", _he thought,_ " _mom and dad are usually here at this hour. Maybe they aren't done with work, yet?_ "

 _A boy deferred his schoolbag to the ground before he ran to basement. After he opened the door his face contorted with disgust. Oh God, how he hated smell of heroin…_

" _Mom? Dad? Are ya in here?_ ", _he asked with coughing and turned the lights on. All he could see was only plastic sachets with smack and some tools for manufactory. He slowly came down stairs and gazed around. Then he saw his parents unmoving, lying on the floor. Little boy kneeled down not far from freaking out._

" _Mom? Are ya ok?_ " _, he wildly shook with body of his mother. Female didn't respond._ " _D-dad? Wake up! Please wake up!_ ", _he desperately shook with male corpse._ " _Someone help! Please help me! Please!_ ", _he cried out, while tears flowed down on his cheeks._

 _15 years later…_

I quickly look at watch. It's almost 19:00, after this therapy I will be finally able to go straight home. I never wanted to become a doctor healing mind. My dream always was being a detective that will support justice. Nevertheless, my parents rejected this idea, because for them it is regrettable employment which fits only "weirdos". My actual profession is just a notch better in their view. Being psychiatrist working in local prison is nothing stirring, but it isn't the worst job. I guess... I have appropriate payment and satisfactory working hours, so there is nothing serious what I could complain. My girlfriend Linda is also contented with this stereotype. A lot of people in my surroundings are surprised by the fact I have partner. I can't blame them because I can't believe it either. Everybody is always describing me like cynical, emotionless robot. That's what I am. And I don't really care. I don't want to change myself. Why would I?

I go to the office where is supposed to be waiting a new patient of mine. Mr. Yagami, senior consultant, told me that this one is quite problematic but he is sure I can handle this. I mean we are in prison aren't we? Weren't my previous patients unpleasant as well? Anyway I nod to the customs officer in greeting and open the heavy door. There he is. Long, blond, messy hair, reaching to the shoulders, icily blue eyes and scar dividing his attractive face. Just for you to know, I am not a type of person that easily falls for pretty face. Actually, I am a demisexual which means I can feel love toward someone only if we know each other for a while. Thinking about that I never felt such strong feeling. I don't love my parents and even Linda. I am just hollow. This is little sad. Linda is kind girl. She deserves someone who would love her and take care of her. Not like me. I usually just come home, eat a dinner and play with my toys. I nearly roll my eyes. Talking about Peter Pan Syndrome yeah…I sit down on a chair, which replies with plaintive howling.

Trying my best to freeze fake smile on lips I start a conversation: "It's pleasure to meet you, I am doctor N and I will your therapist. Let's get along as much as it's possible."

I hold a sudden urge of vomiting. This introduction was even worse than when I introduced myself last time. It just sounds so unnatural. I can be purely thankful of rule that allows employees using mononyms. It would be a catastrophe if prisoners knew my real name. Blonde shows up mischievous chuckle.

"Well _nice_ to meet you too, doctor", he practically spits out the last word, "It would be a miracle if you left this place in normal way of yours. I am Mihael Keehl but you already know that don't you? Also, there's no need to smile in this dump. Keep it to yourself."

Insolence? That is so original. I am going to pretend, that I didn't heart similar drivels an hour ago. Seriously is this "criminal rebelliousness" so fun? They would prefer stay in jail instead of work in harness and get out?

I let out a small sigh of frustration after opening his file.

Name: Mihael Keehl

Gender: Male

Date of birth: 1989/12/13

Family members: Unknown

Height: 171 cm

Weight: 52 kg

Mental illness: Thought disorders and cognitive impairment

Why isn't there anything about his past?

"Director told me that you were causing some troubles lately. What was that all about? Sending doctors to hospital?" I start twisting lock of hair.

"You're mixing up the terms. That place is calling morgue." Mr. Keehl "corrects" me in mocking tone.

"Are you enjoying seeing others in pain?" I ignore his verbal cue.

There's silence before Keehl's answer: "No, really not…Actually I kinda feel sorry for them…"

At least, he should not be sadistic should he? I reach out for a pen on the opposite end of table. When hand gets near to a patient, he starts hiss.

"Don't touch me", he warns me with clenched teeth.

I pull up arm back to the body. Is he afraid of physical contact? Good job, idiot.

I apologize: "I am sorry I didn't want to excite you. I just wanted to take my pen. "

"Don't play fool I've known it from beginning, what you're trying to do…You're trying to kill me!", man opposite me cries out.

Image of absolute stranger killing him…Mental illness…And here we go.

"I have no intentions of hurting you, Mr. Keehl. I am your doctor and I am striving to help your health.", I use calm voice in try to persuade him.

"Open the window."

"Why?"

"I won't give you that delight bastard! I rather jump out", he yells as loudly as he could.

This doesn't work I have to try else method. He needs to calm down.

"I will not allow something like that. Your life is very important. You cannot be harmed", I shift myself farther to give him more distance. Blonde's eyes widen.

"You're lying! If you don't want to kill me, why did you put straitjacket on me in first place?! You can't wait to torture me can you? You sick piece of shit!", furious patient tries to get out from jacket violently.

If he will continue in this he will only hurt himself. Oh dear, my head hurts... I'm not in mode for arguing. I am really tired because I haven't slept much yesterday. Okay, think Nathaniel. It isn't very different from your previous cases. He seems stubborn and aggressive. If you want him to cooperate you must win his trust first. After that you can go home and get some sleep.

"Please listen to me Mister Keehl.", I start gently "I do not want to be your enemy. What can I do to make you trust me?"

In this point hopeful glint appears in young man's eyes. Maybe this wasn't the best move…

"Then uncover straitjacket from me.", he orders.

Yes, it wasn't.

"I think it is not possible considering to fact you would clearly injure me or yourself.", I refuse.

He discontentedly glowers and objects himself: "I won't. All I want to do is look out of the window."

"How can you prove that?"

"How can you prove you don't want to kill me?"

"If I wanted to kill you, I would attack you from beginning of therapy, don't you think?"

"But torturing victim is more fun, don't you think?"

"I am serious-"

"I am also serious."

"Are you trying to provoke me?", I ask phlegmatically.

"Yeah... Is it working?", he rolls his eyes.

Actually not but I would like to end this.

"Can we get to the main point?"

"I would like to. If you want me to collaborate, you must take straitjacket off. Just think about it. How do you think I feel? I am tied, vulnerable and helpless. Are you even realizing how considerable advantage you have?", he clear up his purpose.

Thinking about it… He is right but taking straitjacket off is unduly hazardous. What should I do?

Mihael notices my indecision and keeps on pouring oil into the fire.

"Even if I tried to attack you the guards would hear it."

After a moment of thought, I stand up slowly come to other end of table. I swear this is act of pure weariness. I would not do something senseless like that if I had clear mind.

"I will not harm you. Don't worry.", I reassure him while untying jacket that was basically protecting me all the time.

When untying is done, blonde tall man slowly stands up and makes his way to the window. He grabs bars while shaking a little.

I address him worried: "Excuse me are you all right?"

"Well…I think that I can trust you.", he admits agitatedly, "When I was turned back you had excellent chance to kill me. But you didn't…"

Thanks you "whoever-who-is-up-here-called-God-even-if-it-is-illogical", (I am sorry for my strong atheism.) he finally calms do. My mimic muscles unfreeze and body relax.

"Can I ask you some questions now?"

He nods hugging himself. However, he's still checking every angle in room. As though someone invisible is hiding here and waiting for good opportunity to shoot him.

In the first instance, I may ask him about his past. There was nothing about it in his files. Why? Psychiatrists usually try to find out whether the person for which they have responsibility has experienced any trauma from his childhood.

"How about your childhood? Did you have any problems with your parents or someone else?" I twirl my hair again. It is making me feel comfortably and helps think. I am doing that since babyhood. My mother always went insane, when I have done that in front of her. Actually, she does anytime she sees me twirling lock of my hair. I have no idea what she find so annoying about that.

"Have you ever felt as if someone was watching you? Have you ever killed someone? Could I touch you?", he stared at me lifelessly. As if he could see right intro my soul. I shake myself throwing that idea out of my mind.

"I just asked you a question.", I mention the fact "Why are you asking me about something else?"

He answers immediately: "Because your questions obviously weren't important."

Mr. Keehl comes to my direction getting closer. He looks at me with rapacious look in his eyes.

"Now…Should I touch you? Or at least your hair? They're looking so soft and fluffy…", blonde patient stretches his hand at my forehead. I instinctively pull myself away. Even if he acts innocently, he still represents danger for my position. Just image how would you feel if you would be stuck in pent room with mental ill. Male that is probably about twenty centimeters taller than you.

"Your past is not important? Why not?", I try to redirect his attention to case.

"Important thing is that I survived in this freaking corrupt world.", he frowns "They murdered my parents and now they're after me. They want me dead. Everybody…But I won't let them. If they approach to me, I'll kill them. As they assassinated my parents…"

"Who did this?", I ask as believed him. Most likely something happened to Mr. Keehl's parents and he could not handle that, which leads to tragic story that exists only in his head.

22-year man looks around like if someone was monitoring us.

He comes closer to me whispering to my ear: "Doctors. No, they're not doctors. They're individuals faking doctors. More like an organization. They built this "hospital" to get rid of unsolicited witnesses. Every day they are poisoning me with these shits, which they call "medicine"."

Wow, that's impressive. This should be good subject for some action movie.

"There is no reason to worry. I will keep you safe. I will not let anyone hurt you, I promise.", I pledge. It is truth. I am responsible for my patients. My job is curing and protecting them. This is also justice. Well, kind of…

His eyes widen in intimation of fear.

"B-but-"

I hold his hand.

"It is all right. Everything is all right.", I caress his hand gently. Only 2 minutes are remaining. It makes no sense to convince him…now.

Blonde puts my hand on his cheek and rubs it.

"I hardly can remember when someone touched me that graciously…", he almost whispers.

I sadly smile before we both hear knocking on an iron door.

"Sir, time is up. Can we come in and take prisoner to his cell?", customs officer calls out.

I gasp when Mihael imprisons me in his arms and bury my face protectively intro his chest. He growls at door madly. This type of situation is not familiar with me. Patients were always glad when therapy ended. What should I say? This is new for me.

I back out from constriction.

"Shhh. We will see each other next week. I give you word on that.", I tranquilize him. After he calms down a bit I tell guards to take him, then I give him look and say goodbye.

On my way home I reflect about this whole day. However, one thought cannot leave my mind. Mihael Keehl…Dead parents, murderers faking doctors and thought disorders and cognitive impairment…Everything seems to fit. Then why I feel as if I am missing the most significant piece of puzzle?


	2. Chapter 2

A/U: Thank you for supporting our story! I felt so pleased when I read the reviews! *sniff* You made me really happy you know? *shakes head* Collect yourself and get to the point! *sighs* Anyway, thank you one more time and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

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Hey! Here's Shinju – the beta reader and co-author.

Maybe you are asking, why we aren't posting our story regularly. Please, don't doubt dear "H". All of time delays are **Shinju's fault.** So now you know who made all of these mistakes lolol Yay! Shinju did it! Well… Hang **Shinju** on pillory **no** "H". Aka contact Shinju, if you find some mistake. But I'm not spending time on pretty much. Meh… Contact Hiki and she will slap me right away.

Have good time and subscribe us or Shinju bites your neck! Just tailfish don't be scared…

Yours vampire Shinju °w°

Disclaimer: We do not own Death note characters, all rights belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

Our English isn't good enough. Please recommend us, if you find some mistakes. Thank you. ( 0 v 0 )/

* * *

 _ **Chapter 2 - Doubts**_

I knock on the door waiting for respond. Nevertheless, I do not get it. Are they even in there? I grasp a handle and open door. Nurse that was filling some documents just a second ago faces me. Her eyelashes flutter complementing surprised expression on her face.

"How can I help you s-sir?"

"Good day. Is Mister Yagami in here? We have negotiated meeting in his office today", I explicate.

She stares at me obtusely processing information I just gave her. Seriously? Was it that hard to understand? Or didn't she hear me properly? I open my mouth to repeat question when she finally reacts.

"U-um…Well…Mr. Y-Yagami is in his o-office right now! H-he's waiting for you", she answers with terrible stuttering before she blushes embarrassed.

"I understand. Thank you", I don't bother her anymore. I can imagine how unpleasant problems with articulation are. Primarily, when given person wants to act professionally.

I knock on other door and enter to the next room.

"Good day Mister Yagami. Thank you very much for taking your precious time to speak with me", I express my honest gratitude. He is very busy man that is working literally continuously twenty-four hours a day. If you are searching for excellent example of workaholism, just meet our senior consultant.

Mister Yagami puts on his sociable smile which he uses for every business matter.

"You are welcome. Have a seat", he beckons with his hand to a chair across from him. When I sit on a chair I flex my left leg, pull it up to chest and embrace limb with one arm making myself comfortable. I admit that this is not most serious position but most of my co-workers are already used to my odd habits as does Light Yagami.

"First of all, I would like to congratulate you for your success. Keehl became considerably calmer after therapy with you. Please, continue with good work", he praises me.

I nod in sign of gratefulness.

"There weren't any problems with him? That is relief. Anyway, I wanted to ask you something. What exactly happened to his previous doctors?"

"As I told you, most of them end up in hospital with severe injuries and rest gave notice. He's very manipulative type. How about if we change topic? How did you treat him to get such great result?" Mister Yagami browses through discussed man's file.

"It's interesting that Mister Keehl most reacts to emotional attitude or displays of affection in general. He asserts that his parents were murdered. Is that truth?" I assure myself.

"Yes, it is. His parents were drug dealers focusing on diamorphine. 15 years ago they were assassinated by some narcomaniac, their regular client. They had conflict with him at their basement. He played away all of his money on automats and couldn't buy his source of pleasure. After Keehl's parents refused giving him any heroin he lost his sanity and… Well, I think that you have a good idea what happened next. When he realized what he had done he got scared and ran away. Mihael Keehl found their corpses after he came from school. Killer got arrested soon", he says practically breathlessly.

I stare at him for minute. So it was truth…But why is it not in his file? This is quite important for his treatment. Why was Mister Yagami hiding this information?

I start with my most distinctive habit, twirling lock of hair.

"Then he was assigned to a foster family care wasn't he? Wasn't Mister Keehl victim of domestic abuse or something similar?"

Brown haired man looks up with weird intensity in his eyes.

"According to my sources he wasn't abused. Actually, he and his substitute family went out just well in the beginning. Closest to him was his older stepsister. You might say that they were schemers against rest of family. Always together…Until that incident. Simply put, she explained to him, why he had to leave his house, in her own way. Maybe she was carried away a bit and started exaggerate some details. He was only little child and believed her completely. I don't wonder he became the way he is with all this drama happening around him…"

He truly likes speak a lot…

Senior consultant sighs: "Thinking about that I can't blame him for attacking me…"

"He attacked you? When did it happen? Did he have reason for this violent action?" I stop playing with my hair.

Mister Yagami groans as though trying to remember what exactly happened.

"I can't recall all of my memories so forgive me for forgetting his reason. We met each other when he was transported to this institute. I was going through the entrance hall when juks at me without warning in effort to strangle me. We have never seen each other since then", he tells his affair.

"What reason for his transporting? Also, did he have someone he deeply cared about?" I keep on asking.

"No, he was loner. He had a quarrel with his stepsister only living person he trusted. I don't know the details, but from testimony of witnesses I can say that it was bad. They shouted threw things and even slapped each other…In the end Keehl grabbed the kitchen knife and tried to stab her. Thank God, their substitute parents were near and hospitalized him."

"What was the object of their quarrel?"

"He started to believe that she was affiliated with these imaginary assassins who ruined his life. He started to believe that, she wants to kill him. He started to believe that he needs to kill her prior than she tries to kill him. And this is how it all began", he ends his narration.

"Thank you very much for your time Mr. Yagami, you've helped me a lot. Before I leave I have one request. Could you order customs officer for letting Mister Keehl without his straitjacket on our therapies? I know that this permission is dangerous but I'm taking responsibility for whatever will happen. I shan't let him toy with me", I affirm.

He gazes at me with interest before he nods.

"It is very uncommon request, I must say. However, I will allow it. I am letting everything in your hands Dr. River", an elegant man consents.

"I am aware of it. Thank you once again. Goodbye." I stand up and leave his office.

I walk down the hallway, thinking about these new pieces that I just got to solve the puzzle. Did you seriously think that you can fool that easily Mr. senior consultant? First of all, why wasn't anything about it in Mister Keehl's? If you wanted to hide his past then why did you suddenly told me everything that you know? What are you hiding from me? Also, this whole story is very unbelievable I don't believe you any simple word, Light Yagami.

I arrive in my office facing guard.

An armed male apologizes: "He has straitjacket on now. I am sorry but I got order from senior consultant after I brought him here so…"

"Don't worry I'll take care of this", I reassure him before I enter my office.

Mister Keehl is here staring at nothingness. He turns his head on me as he hears the door snapped shut.

"Good day, Mister Keehl. I am sorry for this. Since next therapy they'll not putt straitjacket on you anymore", I promise as I'm untying him.

"We'll see…You never know what _Mr. senior consultant is_ thinking. You talked to him, before you came here don't you? Be careful, he just loves flattering other people and wrapping them around his finger." He stretches, obviously tired from being tied all time.

"He told me that you attacked him, is that true?" I nestle on a chair.

"Yeah…Because I had no other chance. He was watching me anywhere I went. He wanted to assassinate me. I know him very well. If I just didn't meet him…My life would be way easier", blonde complains.

"How did you meet each other?"

"When I saw him for the first time, I thought that it was also the last time and I hoped for it", he reminisces, I had no idea who's he and what he wants. But I found it out very soon. He started to follow me. He literally stalked me. And then I saw him here…I thought that I'll kill him or myself…Of course it might not be him but what is probability that he has identical twin?"

Well, and we have another point of view here…I need to learn everything he knows. Or what he is thinking he knows…

"Did he hurt you?" I play his game.

He shakes his head: "No but he wanted. He still wants it. Very, very bad…He wouldn't kill me immediately. He would like to torture me, make me feel pain and change my life into hell. That's what the twisted bastard wants…Because after it he could finally rest in peace."

"In different words, he is after you because you are witness of homicide of your parents and he is responsible for this act?" I try to find some sense in all of this.

"Bingo!" Mr. Keehl agrees.

"I understand." I pull up my leg to chest and lay chin on knee. "Would you like to ask me some questions?"

"What did Yagami tell you? Something important? Useful?" He sits down on the table, displacing closer to me. Too close. Is this man even tolerating laws of personal space?

"Mister Yagami was talking about relationship between you and you stepsister", I answer, feeling incommodious as his nose nearly touches mine. When I finished this sentence Mr. Keehl's face darkens. It's here again. This vacuous look. It looks more disturbing when he's closer. Tall man bites his bottom lip.

"My sister…", he whispers.

His pupils widens as his voice heightens the volume.

"My freaking god damned sister!", blonde yells out. "It's all her fault! She is one who saw him for very first time! She even talked to him! What the heck did she tell him?! Fucking betch!"

He jumps up and kicks to a chair showing his anger clearly. Amazing. I shall buy new furniture.

"Mister Keehl calm down please", I plead with stolid uninterested tone.

He sits on table again before he bites his nails nervously.

"Have you ever loved someone? Have you ever trusted someone unfathomably?", he asks.

No.

"Yes but we are in completely different kinds of situations", I lie.

"And then this person betrays you…What would you do? Could you still love this person? Would you be able to forgive this person? Some claim that this person should have died. Sometimes I agree with them but another time, I just want to know her reason. Why she did it? Why did she betray me?", patient cogitates.

Maybe I have changed my opinion now. If he would reconcile with his stepsister, it would help his health condition a lot.

"Would you like to meet her?", I ask him cautiously.

He doesn't answer. There is only silence in room. I am able to clearly hear someone of personnel chatting in the hallway. Their laugh gets farther and farther until it vanishes. And there is deafening silence again. I shouldn't have said that. I hope that I didn't upset him. I look up, pat him worriedly. He's shaking. It looks like he is going to crush edge of the table, which is gripped painfully by Mr. Keehl.

"She betrayed me…She betrayed me…She betrayed me…Betrayed me…", he murmurs not all there.

How should I help him? I slowly reach out my hand to his shoulder.

"Mister Kee-"

"It's all that slut's fault!", blonde runs to the window, trying to rip off bars. After a while patient stops acting so violently. However, he still clutches the bars breathing erratically.

I stand up and go to him with hands in front of me, showing I don't have any weapon.

"Please calm down.", I persuade him. However, it doesn't work.

All of sudden he cries out with face covered with his palms:"I can't do this anymore!"

"The madman" kicks a chair till its legs break, once again. After that he throws the rest of chair against wall. He stares at destroyed furniture goggle-eyed. Then his breathing slowed down. He faces me. There is expression of unequivocal horror. He is horrified of himself. Blonde crawls to the corner in room, turning his back on me. I get down on knees and rubs his shoulder very lightly. Nevertheless, my hand is shaken down by him, before he moves more intro corner. Curled up man begins to scrape his forearm furiously. This starts to be grave. I must stop him.

"Please Mister Keehl look at me", I say gently as I try to pull out his arm. I am not strong enough, though. His wounds begin to bleed.

"Stop right now!", I still continue with this calm and peremptory voice, affording to stop him again. Patient bites his fingers really hard. Immediately after that he sizzles in agony. Alright, let's try more emotional attitude. It worked last time. Maybe it will go this time as well. I very gently grab his bleeding hand and put it to zone of my heart, unconcerned to the fact my shirt is being dirty by blood.

"Mihael please stop. You are only hurting yourself", I try to comfort him.

"Last one who called me by my first name was my sister…", he admits in a whisper. He looks up at me. His eyes are flooded with tears of anger, disappointment and sadness.

"Why? Why did she do that?", he inquires, hopelessly desires for answers.

"I…I do not know. However, I will ascertain it. I swear. I will fix you no matter what it costs."

I get nervous as Mister Keehl's jaw drops in pure surprise. Why does this expression feels to be only one real?

"Well… I have bar of chocolate in drawer. I am aware of fact that chocolate is addictive substance but it cannot harm person once in a while", I babble while I search for sweetmeat. When I find it I return to sitting man on the grand.

"Would you like to have it?", I give him a bar of chocolate.

"Yes, thank you", he agrees and eats his sweet. Blonde blinks in amazement.

"Wow! That's great! One of best delicacies I have ever ate!", he recognizes.

"You have never ate chocolate before?"

"No, it's my first time. I was never allowed to eat sweets, though. My foster father was always saying that if I would eat sweets, my teeth will corrupt a lot", he views his meal.

"Oh, I see…"

Awkward silence again.

"Hey…Shouldn't we call each other by our forenames? I mean…It's just more pleasant. And this "Mister Keehl" annoys me a bit, actually", he smiles.

"If it will make you feel better, then I have no choice and agree."

His smile extends showing something malicious in it. Blonde stands up and gives me a hand.

"Mihael", he introduce himself as if we meet each other for the first time.

I accept his gesture squeezing his hand.

"Nathaniel"

Why am I feeling so strange right now? Why am I feeling as if I just changed my future?

"Pleasure to meet you Nate."

Why am I feeling as if my life just gets the meaning?

* * *

Thank you for reading! We would literally adore reviews from you guys! As does for favorites and following! Also, constructive criticism is welcomed. There is always something you should get better with, isn't it?


	3. Chapter 3

A/U: We are terribly sorry for updating so late. There were some problems with this chapter, so it took a long time to make it good enough to public. We still hope you will enjoy this series and have nice Valentine's date! (It doesn't matter if there is no Mr./Ms. Perfect. There is always someone who cares. Even if it is not in romantic way.)

Disclaimer: We do not own Death note characters, all rights belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

We are not english native speakers. Please recommend us, if you find some mistakes. Thank you very much

* * *

 ** _Chapter 3 - Betrayal_**

I overstep threshold of front door, holding over my coat. Today was featureless as always or should I say mostly? In recent weeks I initiated to feel that new colors were interfused to this faded ordinariness. Any individual with average intellect would ascertain why is that so. All because of Mister Keehl, now Mihael. I am not able to say why but his company feels unpleasant. As if he just wanted to get inside of my mind… It is not necessary to point out that this feeling is not something enjoyable, still it gives me some excitement after all.

Sweet voice resounds: "Hey, honey! How was your day?"

Following noise coming from kitchen I am soon able to behold a young lady. She is chopping vegetables that will be added to a salad. Just like a perfect housewife.

"Hello Linda, nothing remarkable happened as always", I inform her "Did anything surprise you today?"

Brown-haired Rapunzel turns her head to my direction showing me her bright smile.

"Critics valorized work of mine quite well. One of my colleagues – Miss Labelle, do you remember her? – challenged me to draw a picture supporting theme of madness and mania. Well, I shouldn't reject that, should I? So…I thought that you shall help me with that", she looks at me with puppy dog eyes.

"According to my employment, was that supposed to be irony?"

She shakes her head in refusal gesture.

"No it wasn't! I am sorry. It wasn't my intention to offend you. This project is just important and I have no idea what to do", Linda apologizes.

"You know that creativity is not my strong suit", I try to back out from this request with lie. Actually, I am talented at making finger puppets, little figures or various buildings formed from dice. I also had colorful imagination as a child.

"It would be splendid if I could talk to some patient. However, since you're working with extreme cases it will be enough if you would only talk about it", gentle miss still asks me for help.

I sigh in sign of defeat.

"Are you looking for any specific case? Psychopathy? Dementia? Schizophrenia?", I give her possibilities.

"I don't know. Is there anything that captured your attention latterly?"

No, it didn't capture my attention. It made my curiousness slowly eating me alive.

"There is one patient that has captured my interest. His name is Mihael. I will not blazon his surname for rights of anonymity of my patients. He is convinced of image where others desire after his death, especially doctors. He lost his parents during early age. Also he alleges that his stepsister betrayed him", I pull lock of my hair, feeling nastily.

My girlfriend's eyes wide a bit.

"That's weird…", she thinks aloud "You know, I have this strange feeling of déjà vu. As if I heard this story before…Wait! I think that one of mine friends was talking about exactly same story including her brother."

I begin paying more attention.

"A friend? Did she mention his name?"

"Yeah, she did. Something starting with letter M? She was incredibly upset about that. She also cried a lot while talking about it. Her husband is working abroad often. She is really emotionally addicted to him. If you ask me I think that is because she lost her brother. This friend is very strong and protective woman and she just can't see some of her close ones getting hurt. She invited me to visit. If you would like, I shall ask her about it. Her name is Halle Lidner, by the way."

I agree: "It would be great. Please do it."

There is only 12% it is his stepsister but it would not do any harm if she ask her. Maybe…

"Hi! Nate, are you home?" I hear door slam.

I stop putting pieces to unaccomplished completely white puzzle.

"Yes, I am in living room. I had shorter working hours today.", I answer her question.

Linda runs to my so called playroom. (Because this is most spacious room in whole house, I am used to play with my toys in there.)

"I still can't believe it! It looks like it's really him!"

What? It cannot be…Too much coincidence?

Are you sure?", I question her doubtfully.

Amiable miss sits on the sofa placed behind me.

"In accordance with what I heard, it's most likely her brother. She didn't want to talk about it too much. Scars of the soul heal slowly, you know… Halle confirmed almost everything except for that betrayal. She told that it was all because of the trauma of losing their parents."

Shall I contact her? Maybe trying reconciling them would not be the worst idea…

"Should I talk to her? Phone call would be enough", I suggest.

"Sure. I'll call her immediately", she nods before dialing a number.

Halle Lidner seems to play an important role in Mihael's past. I can't miss this chance to help my patient. After a while Linda hands me a mobile phone.

I speak up: "Good Afternoon. This is Nathaniel River on the phone. Am I speaking to Mrs. Halle Lidner?"

"Hello. Yes you are. How can I help you?", a feminine voice quickly replies.

"Forgive me for bothering you please. I would like to talk about your stepbrother who is most likely my patient. My girlfriend was talking with you about that."

"Yes, my stepbrother is residing in institute in which you are working. What would you like to know?", she asks showing slight exasperation.

So she knows…

"Would not you mind if I ask you to tell me everything? From beginning", I try to require in most polite way as I can.

"Well…You know that his parents died, don't you? After this he was assigned to our foster family. Anyway, he collapsed around his seventeen years."

"Excuse me but Mr. senior consultant told me that your stepbrother was hospitalized after fight with you", I correct her fault.

I can hear surprised gasp though electronic device.

"I…I…"

Madam Lidner isn't best at lying, is she?

"Look, I apologize to say it that rudely but if you'll continue with this charade it will be better for me to hang up. This will not help Mr. Keehl to get any better. You are wasting my time as well as yours", I get thing straight.

It…It wasn't my fault! He asked me why his parents died! I couldn't lie to him! So I took some crime thriller for example to make it easier for me to explain. However, he took too seriously. Since then it wasn't same Mihael that I knew", female almost cries.

Crime thriller? That sounds improbable but I guess I must take that. For now…

"Do you have any suggestion how to speed up his healing?"

She answers after calming down a bit: "Stop digging into past. He needs to start with new life. I know that it would be difficult for him but he is clever and strong. He would find a way to deal with normal life."

This is kind of hasty.

"I am sorry but I think that he isn't ready to live on his own-"

"Don't tell me what is best for my brother!", she screams at me so loudly that I nearly throw Linda's mobile phone to the other end of room.

Mrs. Lidner I have to thank you for making my ears bleeding.

"I meant that he should live in your place at first", I explicate. "Please keep in mind he was cut off outside world for 5 years."

Silence

"I see. Should I talk to him? Please I need to see him", she begs.

"This is also why I have called you. I thought that we should make you two meet again. I am sure Mr. Keehl will appraise having his close one near to him instead of me", I try to mollify her.

"I think that makes sense", I almost can imagine her smirking satisfied "When will be this meeting possible?"

"We can't constrain Mr. Keehl to speak with you. Even though you are someone very significant for him he is still resentful. During next therapy I will convince him that meeting with you is best way to improve his mental condition. I will contact you after this", I continue in finishing puzzle while talking.

After while thinking Mrs. Lidner answers positively: "Deal. I'll wait for your call. Goodbye."

Before I can reply female hangs up. Great. We didn't even meet and she is already annoyed by me. I cannot help myself but start twirl hair. Am I really that annoying? I shall try being nicer. Thinking about that…

 _,, Nate, could you wash the dishes?"_

 _,,….."_

 _,, Nate! Don't play your mind games with me! I know you're wake up!"_

 _,,…."_

 _,, Fine! Be childish! I'll do it by myself! Oh God, why am I even dating you!"_

I shake my head to get this remembrance off. No, I am polite enough. There is no reason why I should have to change myself.

* * *

Four days after I am watching Mihael as he is gazing at window.

"Have you ever heard of scientist that trained Common hill myna to spy on people which were chosen by him?", he mutters indifferently.

To be honest, this is one of most original greetings I have ever got. And funniest one.

"Well…Hello to you too", I say ironically.

"Nice day, right? It's not raining at least. But nice weather is pointless for us as we are stuck in here."

Blonde pats on seat next to him. I sit on the table taking some distance from hot-tempered patient.

"Maybe you shouldn't be here in near future. I talked with your stepsister though phone and-"

"No shit! Hal responding on calls? Improbable!", he laughs.

"What do you mean? And could you don't use such vulgar language?"

"She never took mine calls. When I was in hospital I called her about 24/7 times to apologize to her but she have never replied me. Wait, when did you start caring about my manner? Who are you? My newlywed?", Mihael jokes.

"Anyway, both of us are thinking that your meeting with each other would be appropriate. What are you thinking about that?", I get to the point.

Gleeful smile fades away from his lips.

"I haven't seen her for ages. Will she even recognize me? Did she change? Hal was always so…Wary, so preventive…", young man remembers.

"Would you be able to forgive her?"

"I am sorry but I can't do that. Nevertheless, I can simulate remission. Wouldn't it be enough?", he asks honestly.

Yes, it would absolutely work…When pigs fly.

"Oh…", his words left me speechless.

"Never mind", Mihael sighs before looking away.

I dislocate closer to him.

"You two were really close…How about try to establish such beautiful relationship once again?"

"You can't teach old dog new tricks. Even if we both would do our best, cracks will still persist. Cracks can be as big that they'll crash whole rest of trust."

"Yes, but remember: Better late than never. There is still chance. Do you want to stay in this hospital for rest of your life?" I motivate him.

Blonde frowns to the floor refusing to answer. I put my hand on his in try to capture his attention.

I plead: "Mihael please. I don't want you to waste your life like this. Just try it for your own goodness."

Hot-head glowers before he groans.

"Ok, I'll do it. But only because of you."

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4

A/U: Hello guys! ^^ First of all, let us thank you for your patience. We arevery sorry for keeping you waiting for such long time. Unfortunaletly, another chapter will probably be posted **much later** after this one. We would like to update regularly but it isn't possible right now. However this problem will most likely be solved after month and half so we'll take more time to focus on devlopment of the story. Please understand and we hope you'll enjoy this update.

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* * *

18:52. Meeting time has been set on 18:40. What is taking them so long? Mihael is inside of room already. I rub my eyes. If I just had my 17x17x17 Rubik's cube in here…

As I start thinking of stopping fooling around hallway clatter of heels resounds. Blonde, tall, and elegant woman squeezes Linda's hand almost painfully. I would prefer discuss with Madam Lidner alone only if she didn't ask my girlfriend for accompanying her. Why Linda from all people? If would Mihael find out that she is my partner he will become feels inconvenient in company of stranger.

I nod at Mrs. Lidner as greeting. _Something_ is telling me that she doesn't really want press my hand. Or have another physical contact with me at all.

"Mrs. Lidner. It's pleasure to meet you."

"And you are that psychiatrist…", she growls as if it is most obvious thing. (Which actually is.)

Linda cares her shoulder.

"Halle didn't mean it like that. She is nervous since this morning."

Tall blonde seems as she wants to say something for a second. However, she bites her bottom lip to confine any scathing remark against myself.

"It is alright." I ignore what I just saw. "Linda, remember what we were talking about yesterday. Act as if we didn't meet each other before. It would make only difficulties."

She agrees, realizing seriousness of situation. Mihael's stepsister takes deep breath before entering room with Linda hand in hand. Her long lost brother sits on chair mannerly nearly stiffly. He isn't facing us. He's staring at empty table as if he is trying to hide himself upon curtain of his hair. Woman around her thirties sits opposite to him.

"It's been a while…", she whispers.

"Do not blame for this", Mihael grumpily retorts.

I close door and join brown-haired maiden in standing around wall. Mihael locks his eyes with me. Emotional male glorifies on his seat as he shows us derisive chuckle. It's incredible how fast his certainty grew up…But I have feeling this incalculable attitude won't be any better than his previous one.

"How are things going on, sis? Something new?", he brings up topic which is not something interesting for him.

Female doesn't react until tears falls from her eyes. Sobbing express itself more intensively and intensively until mildly older woman must cover her mouth with palm in try to stop humiliating phenomena of weakness. Leastwise I think she sees it this way.

Linda gives me inquiring look, silently asking if she should help her to calm down. Shaking head signals her to not. Let's watch how will situation develop for now.

Mrs. Lidner bites bottom lip to displace pain and distract herself unsuccessfully. Sweaty hand becomes clenched fist. Mihael scans her with disgust.

"Have you been always such an actress? Lame…", he heads off her. Mrs. Lidner reaches out shaking hand to his direction, despairingly begging for contact. It's really piteous to see her like this. As belligerent man doesn't show even smallest hint of concern she gives up putting her hand back, anguish obvious on her face. All of sudden her stepbrother catches her hand.

"I am sorry. I-I know that I wasn't nicest a second ago…It's just…I don't know how to say…Welcome back Hal", he squeeze her hand.

Look like tables turned. After all, it's best this way. I hope they can open up to each other more. Of course it will take time but it's worthy to wait for.

As more tears comes out she runs away with face in her hands.

"H-Halle wait!", Linda chases after her.

Only I and Mihael stay in room.

Honestly I can't accuse Mrs. Lidner for running away. It must have been explosion of emotions that big that she couldn't take it. But I am proud of Mihael that he was able to forget old injustice and give his new life chance.

That's what I think until older male looks up at me.

"I played it well, didn't I?"

That's it. I need my pills or contact some professional. I only have one nerve.

* * *

Mihael moved to Mrs. Lidner's apartment. He was really excited about this. Who would not be after years spent in hospital without possibility to go out? Except for me. I would adore stay at home instead of communicating with others.

I check address written by Madam Lidner two days before they called me to come to their place. It looks like I am on right address. Hopefully….

I ring door bell waiting for response. It takes a few second for muscular shirtless man to open door. My eyeballs almost drop out. This is her husband? Why is he having so much tattoos and piercings? Is he some gangster? This man is also much bigger than me. Not only in case of height but also of width. Kind of intimidating.

"Exsuce me, is Mrs. Lidner in here?", I ask in my normal monotone tone even though my inner voice is piping of fear. Now I'm doubting…

He blinks uncomprehendingly.

Well-built shouts to his wife: "Hal! This…You have something…"

He stares back at me thinking over how he should daintily call me. It is truth I'm not someone you would call "man".

"That psychiatrist is here!", he finally comes up with salutation. "Come in."

"Thank you."

I enter their apartment. I wipe my shoes on doormat before silence is interrupted by greeting.

" Hey cotton candy! Missed me?"

A gentle smile pops up on my lips.

" Hello Mihael. How have you been?"

Gentleman with scarred face says though smirk:,, Move went out quite well. Rod, guy that opened door for you, wasn't really excited when Hal announced that I am going to live here with them. Except his "You should get a life" bullshits, everything going on just fine."

He looks much calmer and more relaxed. From that what I have heard, I can except giving chance to each other was right choice. I am glad he could begin from the beginning again.

"Hal! Welcome our guest! Hurry up!", scream ruins a moment of comfort.

I look at Mrs. Lidner for first time this day. She leans against a wall, eyebrows gnarled and nose wrinkled as if I have stank.

Beefy man has to repeat his command twice since his wife does not look to move her finger to assistance me as incomer. Eventually bitter "Welcome." hisses though serried lips.

As Mihael leads me to living room I can't help and ask.

" Are they always like this? Although I have been informed about their type of relationship, it is bothering a bit…If I shall ask, is Mr. Lidner manipulative?"

,, It's Ross. Long story short for some nonsensical reasons they have false surnames. I have feeling it's because Rod's working for some illegal company or something like that. I really doubt that he's working for government…", older man thinks out loud.

I reprove:,, In that case, you should not be telling me this. If theory of yours is right, I might get to problems…"

He chuckles.

,, Payback for making me addicted to chocolate~ Remember when you gave me that bar? Since that I couldn't have enough. I have spent a lot of money on that, you know? And all thanks to you. Thinking about that, you should pay me for all this bars as apology.", he jokes.

Before I can defend myself, married couple enters room, Mr. Ross making himself comfortable on the couch and Mrs. Lidner holding bowl of peanuts that is literally dropped on the table second later as she snuggles up to her husband.

I have to stay in this wooden stiff position for a while. If I succumb to my usual habits, they would not take me seriously at all.

Mr. Ross opens can of beer and infuses it intro himself in front of us, apparently not caring how his manner affects impression of visitor.

,, So…Why did you came? What do you need?", supposed householder asks, his breath heavily smells with alcohol.

 _You_ were one who invite me here.

I clear my throat.

,, Do you insist on original plan or would you like to set date on another time? I do not really mind. And therapies will take place in here, if I am not mistaken?"

,, You see…My wife and I were thinking about changing a doctor. We talking about this with your girlfriend.", Mr. Ross reports unexpected news to me.

I quickly blink surprised, assuring myself I heard well. If they wanted to cancel our partnership, why didn't they just call, instead of dragging me across this whole three and half hours journey to King's Lynn? And why on earth would they discuss problems of my patient with Linda, someone who doesn't even play role in this circumstances, nor situation?

,, Excuse me but I am confused… My girlfriend called you?"

Browbeating male sights contentedly while enfolding arm around ma'am that was had been sitting wordlessly next to him all time. Lady lays her head down on his shoulder gratefully in return.

,, We convened meeting a few times. It seems like we're having similar opinion on this whole matter. Such a cute girl…", he clicks his tongue blissfully, making me shiver with disgust" Linda's pretty babelicious by herself but that Naomi chick…"

As he values visage of other females, he doesn't notice that his wrist is convulsively gripped by his lady companion. To be honest, I am dissatisfied about his comment too. It's not jealousy, I just think Linda would not be happy about what he said about her appearance at all. Moreover in such obscene way…

,, Why didn't she tell me that? I think if we live together, she had numerous opportunities to tell me.", I still argue calmly.

Are they even serious? Do they _really_ think changing doctor works _that_ easily?

,, If it's so, you totally should take an advice from us. We have no secrets. Isn't that so, baby booboo?", robust clown irritatingly lisps.

,, Of course, honey! Anything for you~", golden eyes sparkle.

Revolting… I cannot even remember last time when I felt this uptight. Perhaps I should explain them system step by step? No. This debate is pointless. It doesn't matter how convincingly I would argue, they would make up any reason why I cannot stay in touch with Mihael anyway.

Maybe he was not satisfied with my service? Or this doctor provides her treatment by cheaper price? Maybe…Maybe I am looking to much intro it. It's just…I am not sure how to describe it. It just feels so improper to leave patient when he's not cured yet. As if I was not able to take care of him. As if I failed…

It reminds me of my mother. In her eyes I always have been mistake, failure. She have never said that out loud but I can tell from her look and behavior. I don't want to seem like cliché poor sorrowful wretch you should feel sorry for. Eventually I stopped carrying as realization hit me. Trying to get her attention was waste of time. I am sure about that. As I cut contact with my parents, I became happier.

But it's in the past. Now helping my patients is my duty. When they become happier because of me, I am happy. Fact I make them feel better, makes me smile. It's hard to lose the responsibility all of sudden.

I stand up after taking heavy breath.

" I understand that this is your decision and I do not intend to impose myself. If it's all you wanted to say, I can just wish you nice rest of the day. I will see myself off, thank you.", I give up.

" Nate wait!", I can hear from living room as I am putting shoes on" Will you be that kind and tell me what the hell is this all about? You never even asked me about my opinion and that's quite important since _I am_ one who'll have to deal with someone I don't even know! So tell me, which one of you two came out with that big idea?"

I look back worried, before shaking my hand, reminding myself I have to go. As sound of shutting door travels through downstairs, sight escaping through my lips tells me that it will be best to forget all about this.

* * *

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	5. Chapter 5

Hello guys! I just wanted to let you know I am dropping this project. What a suprise, right? Now that I am reading this "masterpiece" year after, I am cringing so hard it hurts. XD English grammar skills of past me were so terrible lol. Also characters are so edgy. Anyway I'll not delete this story, because I think reading gringe is fun for some reason? Ok, that's everything I wanted to say/write. Have a nice day and good taste in literature! Because past me definitely needed one…


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